The Travesty of Winning by Brooke Doran

Wine or Sour Grapes - A Winner's Guide to Losing

Well, the big day has arrived! It is show time and you know you have done your homework:

All of the weeks you have sacrificed time with your loved ones in order to do that one extra cardio session or forgone the birthday cake at your child's birthday party have finally come to fruition for your 2 minutes on stage!

Yes, this is it! You head out onto that stage for Pre-Judging with your head held high, a smile on your face and you just beam! You do the very best walk, pose, or fitness routine you have in you, you wave to the crowd, maybe even blow a kiss as I enjoy doing, and you exit stage left.

Everything clicked and you know it! All of that preparation for these few moments! You leave the stage with your heart pounding, eyes twinkling, legs trembling and just a glimmer of hope that you gave the judges what they were looking for! That's it- it's done and now the wait is on for the evening show and, of course, the tally of the judges' assessments!

Ok, you have made the top five!

If this is the first time you have placed in the top five, you are grateful for just that alone!

But when you hear that Emcee call 5th, 4th, 3rd, 2nd...Oh My God, you have won FIRST PLACE! You are flooded with a myriad of emotions and are in a state of shock! You have taken the whole show! Yes! It was all worth it and your effort and sacrifice and focus in the gym have truly paid off into something all the world, or at least the audience for now, can see! Your friends and family out there are glowing with pride, and some maybe having to swallow theirs and admit that yes, it was worth it! Exhilarated, you step off the stage ready to party and then reality sets in.

Unfortunately, sometimes that REALITY BITES! This is my very first season, but I have learned a lifetime of lessons about competition. Now, your true friends and fellow competitors who compete for the right reasons will all congratulate you, kiss you, and maybe even ask for a photo with you.

But then for some reason, there is somebody out there who thinks that you didn't do your homework and no, you didn't look so hot and maybe they even go into a detailed description of exactly every little flaw on your face and body and share it with the rest of the world. Or, worse, you over hear the harsh words in the background as you are living out your first moments of true glory!

And then, the moment you have strived for is just a fleeting memory and you are consumed with panic. How could anyone insult me that way? Maybe I do look like crap. Maybe I did need to carbohydrate deplete one more day, or even worse, maybe I didn't deserve that win. Maybe that person is right about me...and your world begins to crumble around you due to a few simple words uttered by a complete stranger. So now what?

Well, you have to always remember that this posing, walking, flexing and training we do on stage called Figure Competition is a SPORT my friends. Do you get it?

To be involved in a SPORT one must act like a SPORT by exhibiting SPORTSMANSHIP.

According to Webster, the definition is as follows:

SPORTSMAN: noun.
1. One who participates in a sport.
2. One who abides by the rules and accepts victory or defeat graciously.

SPORTSMANSHIP: noun
1. The qualities and conduct befitting a sportsman.

There it is- straight out of an elementary school level dictionary!

As Figure, Fitness and Bodybuilding athletes we all run the risk of being judged that is why we are up on stage. We open ourselves up to the world thinking we look fantastic, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so be prepared for the critique! It is never easy to hear negative comments about what could have or should have been. But if you are the person making the comments, please do so with grace! Always know that you can express any opinion you want to- but it isn't WHAT you say, it is HOW you say it!

However, if by chance you do find yourself in the winner's circle,(and I hope you do),do not ever let any sore loser and his/her comments take away from the hard work and dedication you have given to your sport. Yes, everyone is entitled to an opinion -it is a constitutional right. But to berate a fellow competitor who has just beaten you, or to launch an assault on a panel of judges is simply rude and unnecessary.

It is perfectly acceptable to disagree with a panel of judges or to feel completely hijacked by their ruling. It is also normal to have some strong emotions of anger, disappointment and let down. But c'mon people! We are competitors! Take that emotion back to the gym and hit it harder than you ever, ever have before and come back into that arena and try it again! What's fair is fair, and unless you have a valid reason to think something is askew with the tally, then you need to learn how to be a gracious loser.

Let the winner have her day in the sun, and get your butt back to the squat rack and don't rain on their parade. I am not saying you have to kiss his/her shiny new medal, but a congratulatory handshake and sincere congratulations with eye contact are all that is required. If you can't muster that, then go back to your Mom's tried and true advice: If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all!

Think about your reasons for competing. Really think about them. I am truly convinced that every single person who steps on that stage has a story behind their motivation, and it is important to remember that as fellow competitors, we have no idea what someone's story is.

We certainly do not have the right to squash their dignity with caddy remarks and viciousness. If you compete strictly for the trophy, you may become one heck of a frustrated competitor, not to mention the fact that your harsh attitude certainly won't attract any new friends.

Personally, after my recent victory I was more concerned about my fellow competitors who didn't do as well as they had hoped, and whom I had just shared a meal and a bottle of wine with in between shows. And these are not women I know from anywhere else but the figure circuit. I have developed some extremely dear friendships with my competition, and it is the memories that surround the day of the show, and the belly laughing, and the sharing of Bikini Bite and Pro Tan backstage, that I will remember.

Yes, the victory does sweeten the pot, but it doesn't fill it. And don't think for one minute that the athletes I have chosen to surround myself with made one disparaging comment about any other person on that stage, because I have decided to associate with the true winners.

True winners don't always leave with a First Place medallion to show it, and that is the moral of the story. So you decide- are you a gracious winner and loser? If not, you are in the wrong sport and I suggest you try Solitaire, because with a sore loser mentality that is where you will end up - alone, not placing and playing the game all by yourself.

Written by,
Brooke Doran
Masters in Education