More Of The Most Outrageous Exercises I’ve Ever Seen
By Nick Nilsson

A word of warning: do not try these exercises EVER!

1. Trampoline Presses - set yourself up on a bench press station with approximately 5 to 50% more weight than you can safely handle. Unrack the bar, drop it on your rib cage at 200 m.p.h., then use the elasticity of your bone and cartilage to get the weight back up. Your rib cage should bend inwards at least 2 to 3 inches on each rep.

2. Dumbell Bowling - this one works only with round dumbells. Do a set of dumbell flyes. At the end of the set, don’t set the weight down gently. Roll them out of your hands directly to the sides in an attempt to knock over the people to either side of you. A broken toe gets you 5 points while a broken ankle gets you 20.

3. Spastic Colon Squats - you don’t want to know.

4. Behind-The-Neck Pulldowns to the Waist - take a wide grip on the pulldown bar. Set the weight as light as possible. If you can attach a helium balloon to it to further reduce the resistance, that’s even better. Pull the bar down behind your head. Continue the motion down your middle back until the bar is level with your waistband. Let the bar up as fast as possible and repeat.

5. Wide Grip Spaz-Chicken Pushdowns - hook a pulldown bar to a high pulley. Take a wide grip on the bar (near the ends). Do a quick pushdown movement from there. You will look like a chicken having a panic attack.

6. Finger-In-The-Light-Socket Pull-Ups - this one doesn’t require much of an explanation as you’ve probably seen it in action before. If you’ve ever seen someone thrash around so hard to complete a pull-up rep that they kick themselves in the teeth, you know what I’m talking about.

7. Bug Masher Push-Ups - this is a variation of the push-up that requires a lot of abdominal flexibility. Get into the top push-up position. Now, without bending your arms, slap your pelvis against the ground as though trying to squish a bug with it. Flop up and down repeatedly like this until you either rupture something or someone comes up and asks you if you’re okay.

8. Hack Machine Back Breakers - set up in the hack squat machine facing the machine instead of the normal way (facing out). Unrack the sled then lower it down like a front squat. Be sure to round your back completely over as you lower the sled down in to the squat. Your body should resemble a "C" shape (note: this posture may become permanent after a few sets).

9. Barbell Bench Presses in a Deserted Gym - this exercise is the most dangerous one of the bunch. I used to go to a gym that operated on a card-lock system so people could get in and work out after hours when there was no supervision. I came into the gym later in the evening one day and found somebody lying on the bench with a heavy barbell stuck on his chest and yelling for help. I ran over and pulled it off him as fast as I could. When I asked him how long he had been stuck under the bar, he told me about half an hour!!

10. This one is for you to fill in. If you’ve ever seen somebody doing an exercise that is so strange, so terrible or so downright hilarious, send a description of it to me at (betteru@fitstep.com)!

To finish up on a similar but unrelated topic, I have one final word of advice: always make sure the treadmill has come to a complete stop before you bend down to tie your shoelace. Neglecting to do so can result in you being rolled off the end like a turtle on a conveyor belt. I’ve seen it happen and it’s not pretty (darn funny but not pretty).

Nick Nilsson is Vice-President of BetterU, Inc., an internet- based personal training company. He has been training for more than 14 years and has been a personal trainer for more than 8 years. He is the author of the training eBooks "The Best Exercises You've Never Heard Of", "Gluteus to the Maximus" and "Specialization Training". Go to his Web site for more information on these books.

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